Rinse, repeat, and repeat again

Friday afternoon I had a call from the branch manger in Buffalo advising me that I am once again laid off.  She’s a rather abrupt woman and was surprisingly nice but extremely brief/to the point.  I did manage to get through the call without bursting into tears then texted WRT to let him know.  Then I let the two co-workers that would be most impacted before my accounts were terminated within half an hour. 

Headquarters sent boxes to return the computer, phone, monitor and headset but what on earth do they want me to do with things like sensitive client information, personnel files, etc.  They know that I have all these files, I’ve tried to get them to take it but they’re honestly just not that interested.  A few months ago, I was told that HQ would send me a shredder however that never showed up.  IDK, guess it’s just not a major priority for them.

Anyway……  back to the job search and feeling a bit beaten up yet working to maintain a reasonable outlook.  The layoff came about three weeks after the nearly crippling realization that my life is simply not at all how I had not only dreamed, but really assumed, it would be at my age.  I had always figured I’d be married,have a nice home, family around, lots of friends, decent and stable career… none of that has happened in spite of my continued efforts and intense periods of personal and career growth.

Although completely counterproductive and not a good idea, every now and again the thought that I must be unworthy of such ‘normal’ wants creeps in.  I’m not convinced that it’s a matter of worthiness.  We all know total bitches that are married to men who adore them, have jobs where they are not only tolerated but excel.  Normally, my rational side kicks in and banishes this thought train.  However, every now and again….. 

In the last seven days, I have applied for 49 jobs and have had one interview (overqualified, thanks though – by the way, we anticipate an opening a little more in line with your expertise in November or December) and have two more lined up for next week.  Technically, I’ve applied for 72 jobs but a lot of those are ‘throw aways’ – know that they are not jobs that I’m interested in other than for the sheer fact that they would provide a meager paycheck which is (theoretically) better than none.

I’ve had a niggling feeling (interesting non-word) that I’d be laid off ever since the closure in May so… tried to be proactive.  I took out an unemployment policy to partially cover rent for two months if I became unemployed.  I filed the claim the next day but haven’t been able to get anyone to call me after leaving 4 voicemails.  grrrrrr

With my final check (a few hundred shy of a full paycheck as they don’t do severance of any type), I paid utilities plus a bit, I’ve grocery shopped and stocked up on a few staple type items, I’ve registered in over 30 different job sites as well as networking with friends, colleagues, social sites, etc.  It’s time consuming and somewhat draining but certainly better than just sitting around waiting for the job fairy!

Am I scared?  of course, I could easily be homeless soon even with unemployment.  No, I don’t qualify for any other type of assistance (and yes, I’ve checked).  Am I terrified?  Nope.  Life will go on whether it’s what I’d always wanted or something entirely different.

 

 

 

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About redfear

Hard core rocker/old school punk/alternative, ridiculously fiber/design oriented knitter with strong geek tendencies type person. Worked in the travel and web design industries, and benefits management for years. Back in corporate travel and loving it! Mother of two fantastic young adults (yes, they truly are!).
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