somebody scream for me, I’m too tired

This morning found me wide awake at 6:32. Funny, the last time I looked at the clock was about 2:20 when my daughter came in to ask if she could have some animal crackers. Of course, she can. It seems none of the mainfloor dwellers (the kids’ rooms and mine are on the main floor) could sleep last night – uh oh!  David is listening to techno right now. As I have a weird droning sound in my left ear anyway from the infection, techno is not a wise choice to keep Mom happy. There, just texted him to turn the bass down. Yeah, we eat animal crackers and text each other from the next room. Beats too many potato chips and yelling 🙂

It seems that the last few days my arms have been replaced by rather nasty little fire ants. Not literally, of course… that would be truly weird. The dr thinks my NSAIDs aren’t working as well right now because I’m sick. I think they’re not working because it’s time to switch meds. We’ll give it a few more days on Augmentin 875s and see what happens. blah blah blah

Now for the better part! I was able to get a fair bit done on Beverly yesterday: See!  Even using the stitch counter like a good knitter.  Kind of have to hehe… I’m picking it up and putting down far too often to keep track of what row I’m on.  Today, I want to finish the yoke area and get started on the sleeve cap area.  I’d like to get so far as the front neck and sleeve shaping but we’ll see how it goes.

The upside of being up early is the calm, peaceful, nearly serene view in the back/side yard of the sun peeking over the mountain tops, hitting the few clouds and bouncing down to the ground.  Truly beautiful.


Several old friends – old as in have known for 25 years or more – have recently said that life has been a bit unkind to me.  That isn’t necessarily the case.  It has definitely been difficult, yet with great rewards in personal growth.  There have been times that were pure hell and those that were filled with joy.  Over the past two years, I have made a real study of some of my own behaviors and thought patterns that led to the more hellacious times and have come up with several answers/things to avoid/things to do differently.

A major part of ‘my problem’ was never being taught (and somehow missing it instinctively) what emotional abuse is, how to spot it before becoming too involved – and that goes for any type of relationship, family, friend, spouse – and what to do when it happens.  Mind you, I was reasonably clear on what physical abuse is although for some reason it was silently accepted by my family.  When 4B pushed me, strangled me, etc. I was definitely aware that he was way over the line and took action.  Later, when I gave Mom a very brief summary of the relationship problems including some of the violence, she said she was afraid something like that was happening.  wtf?!  If I was afraid that ‘something like that’ was happening to my daughter, I would handle it a bit more actively!!!  Then again, she is going with how she perceives things.

She was aware of physical abuse on both sides of another sister’s marriage and although they were living in my parents’ home at the time, never did anything other than talk to them a bit.  She’s never been physically abused and although my parent’s relationship is fairly unique, it’s doubtful she has been emotionally abused in any way either.  It’s definitely not her fault that it took me a while to learn to handle things in a productive, self-protective manner.  It simply took me a while to figure it out and deal with it.  My attitudes have changed, what I look for has changed significantly, and I am far more aware of patterns of my own behavior which lead to situations that are unhealthy.

The point being….  it is imperative that we understand what emotional abuse is in order to know how to handle it.  It’s not a partner, parent, friend that is ‘moody’ or has some annoying quirks.  It simply isn’t abuse when another person is being human.  It’s abuse when it ‘crosses the line’, when their needs are the only ones that matter….

One article that I found interesting a while ago is in the blog of a woman who married a sociopath.  Are all abusive adults sociopaths? that’s a question for another day  😀  anyway, here is a link to her blog.


About HollysDying

Hard core rocker/old school punk/alternative, ridiculously fiber/design oriented knitter with strong geek tendencies type person. Worked in the travel and web design industries, and benefits management for years; have done freelance writing and editing. Mother of two fantastic young adults (yes, they truly are!).
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