Snowing = knitting, Detente

Cast on two  toe up pairs of socks last night, stopped around 3am.  Had the weirdest dream about knitting socks and House.  (not mine – the tv show) Kept dropping stitches, somehow figured out how to crochet with dp needles, yarn was incredibly strange pink/yellow color and scratchy beyond belief.  I was knitting in class at medical school.  Strangeness on steroids.

Watched most of the election returns last night.  In some ways, I’m proud that we (as in general America) have finally progressed enough to elect an African American to the presidency.  I don’t agree with his overall politics but was impressed with how he mentioned McCain in his acceptance speech.  I more impressed with McCain’s most gracious speech.   Both my kids wanted Obama to win.  OMG, I’ve raised independent thinking children – go me!  Enough politics for now.

Hubby and I finally discussed some urgent issues last night.  This separation thing with no obvious direction is beyond ridiculous.  He stated that he wants a life revolving around his alcohol addiction (addiction is my word, he said alcohol). I don’t.  He has no concept of the changes/forward movement I’ve made in the past few months.  That’s okay, he doesn’t have to.   He has no clue who I am anyway.  He wanted a marriage that was effortless.  I don’t think there is such a creature.  I told him watching him dying is difficult.  He wants to be alone when he goes.

Should we delay divorce?  Kind of have to financially and I feel he needs someone more than a long-term acquaintance around.  Then again, as I detach even more and work on the al-anon steps, I’m not sure that’s what is best for either of us.

We’ve verbalized the detente needed to co-exist in the same space a while longer.  We’ve agreed to focus on the things we like about each other to achieve that.  We agreed that some fairly serious mistakes have been made.  Then he bought my son new RAM for his puter and went to the bar.  This morning he wore my favorite shirt – because I like it.  I find him confusing but hey…. he confuses himself.

I knit.  Worked on Socks for Soldiers for about 45 minutes, cast on a new pair of socks, cast on another new pair of socks.  Decided to stress over what I’m making for myself.  How hard can it be to decide what I want to make for me?!?

Woke up to snow and it’s still snowing.  That means it’s time to knit obsessively until I hear back from some of the companies I’ve applied with.  I’m STILL waiting for my 2 October paycheck.  Decided I’ll pay some more bills and buy some supplies for Socks for Soldiers.  Feeling guilty about how long it’s taking me to get my first pair of BTS done.  Mailing the leisure socks I made for a lady soldier (ok, in the Army it’s a ‘female’ soldier but the socks are lady like and hence shall go to a lady) on Friday.  They’ve been sitting here since May waiting for me to finish the re-worked numerous times Big Tan Socks.  They are needed elsewhere.

Have really been wanting to go back to England and Israel lately.  England has been my ‘run away’ place for two decades.  Israel is my ‘get lost/become found’ place.  Shall we revisit the whole lottery thing?

Moving Forward

4B and I have decided to separate.  Although it was not an easy choice, it really is the only logical one.  Then again, it wasn’t that difficult.  The decision part that is.  We haven’t discussed the next step ~ that will come in time.  Tonight he’s out fishing with my son and some friends.  I’m glad that he’s chosen to keep an active role in my son’s life; perhaps that bond may help him keep some of the real family he has.

This is a time for reflection and growth.  For continued learning, progress without fear, and renewed sense of self.  When nothing is certain the possibilities are unlimited.

As much of this blog is dedicated to knitting and that’s my sanity right now *cheesy grin* I started another new pair of socks today.  I FINALLY learned how to do toe-up; still using DPNs but it’s major progress!  WOOHOO!!!!!  I moved the BSS over to one circular; TJ’s first sock is nearly finished. 

I LOVE progress!!!!!!!!  (enough exclamation points for ya?)