I like real answers.  I like reports of progress and growth.  However, at times, it’s the mundane, the quietly ‘hanging in there’ (another cliche that is rapidly declining in my personal popular phrases category), the continuation of being that is required.  In other words, leave me alone, I’m busy stubbornly persisting!  Not literally leave me alone, more like a ‘please understand that although there is little outward display of grandeur the mere fact that I have not yet completely lost it is a rather large accomplishment, thanks for asking!’

Whew, that felt good!

And now for other stuff.

Recently the subject of gay marriage has been a major topic of conversation here in Utah.  I posted my feelings on facebook and think that some of my extended family was a bit miffed.  I understand that they are very opposed to it and why they feel that way.  However, I’m going to repost here:

So, I have no problem with any couple being legally married. Whether or not that marriage is recognized or upheld by a specific spiritual/religious organization is entirely up to those that adhere to that belief system.’

It’s been a trying winter with Dad being diagnosed with atypical Parkinson’s on top of everything else and then being hospitalized for two weeks after an extreme reaction to his Parkinson’s medication.  He gave us all a real scare, including himself.  Unfortunately, the reaction was psychological as well as physical and he was in his own, very literal, version of hell for quite a while.

I’m so grateful that things have evened out and back home now.  I started a pair of socks for him ages ago but have had an irrational fear that when I finish them he will die.  Yes, it is completely absurd and I realize that, but working on them when he’s been doing so poorly has made me burst into tears.  It’s difficult to work cables when you’re crying so I’ve put them down for a while now.  Perhaps now that he is doing better (although that is a relative term) I can pick them up again soon.  Although my main concern has been Dad’s health and well-being, I’ve also been terribly concerned about Mom. They’ve been married literally all of her adult life and she’s having to face ‘the beginning of the end’ as she put it.

Due to some technical issues at work, I’ve been off for two weeks now.  Being a contract worker that means two weeks unpaid ‘vacation’ – too bad I didn’t know this was going to happen; I can think of far better ways to spend two weeks off than checking emails every 20 minutes or so to see if it’s been resolved yet.  Fortunately, I’d been averaging 50 or more hours per week last month and have some unemployment benefits left from ‘last time’ so have been okay financially so far.  I’ve been looking for something more stable but the job market isn’t all that friendly with large numbers of far younger/less experienced (perceived costly) people competing for every opening.  Hopefully, it will be resolved in a few days though.  I’m sure our tech support people are also hoping it’s resolved soon as they must be tired of my daily ‘are we there yet’ emails!

So… what have I been doing with all this time?   I’ve finished three pairs of socks, nearly finished a cardigan, spent hours and hours looking at new patterns and going through my yarn stash, read blogs, spent a lot of time on the phone with Mom and taken a couple quick weekend vacations with WRT.

Since his step grandaughters don’t read my blog, it should be safe to post pics of their Easter socks:

lace tube socks for Cierra using KnitPicks Felicia Sugared Violets and OnLine Supersocke 100 Emotion IV.

lace tube socks for Briley using KnitPicks Felici macaroon and KnitPicks Stroll Glacier.

Some socks for me

Basic socks using Susan Glinert’s Fleegle Heel and a fern stitch (one variation of it anyway) lace up the center instep them around after the heel turn.  I really like the Fleegle Heel’s fit and how comfy it is.

I’ve also got one of my dear friend, Clara’s fingerless gloves (Jessica Power’s pattern) done and hope to get the match done over the weekend. 

They’re in Crystal Palace Panda Cotton solid, a nice lightweight yarn that won’t be too warm but should keep her hands cozy while working.  She’s often mentioned how cold her hands get in her home office (she also works in corporate travel from home) so thought these might work well.

And… last but certainly not least…. doing a toe-up pair of SpillyJane’s Socks With Pints On for WRT.  I promised them at least two years ago so thought it was time to deliver.

SpillyJane is an extremely talented designer and I hope to make several of her patterns up soon. They’re a bit further along now (have three sets of different ‘beer’ colors done now) in KnitPicks Stroll.  At the moment, I’m truly not sure what our relationship holds but he’s certainly deserving of a pair of fun socks regardless of how things play out over the next while.

Mom would like me to knit her a warm cardigan for next winter so I’ve been going over possibilities.  She rarely wears her winter coat but definitely needs something that will act as a coat without the length (I got my love of full-length coats from her, it seems!) and not quite so bulky.  It must be washable and can’t be overly fussy but needs to be pretty.  Cables? Lace? Lace and cables?  Raglan or set-in? Top down, bottom up?  So many choices!!!!!

I’ve also been going over baby blanket patterns as we’re expecting a little girl within the extended family.  Again – lace? cables? both? neither? round? Square? Rectangular?  Obviously, it must be machine washable/dryable and exceptionally pretty but… which pattern/yarn?????  I’ve got it narrowed down to 12 possibilities, yes 12.  Good thing she won’t be here until early fall!

I’m still considering a full time ‘normal’ position though, second interview is tomorrow so – fingers are crossed that whatever is best works out.  There are the typical pros and cons so am just focusing on the tasks at hand and taking it from there.

The Holiday Season was rather lonely without the kids, in fact, spent Christmas Eve entirely alone.  I resolve never to do that again.  I spent quite a while talking with someone close to me, but later, as I was working, it was a very long, lonely night with only two client phone calls in 9 1/2 hours then back up bright and early to work another shift prior to going over to WRT’s Christmas Evening.  Am I whining?  Perhaps a little bit.  The primary reason for mentioning it though is the realization that although some people are ‘fine’ being alone on significant dates, I am not one of them.  I’ve worked many holidays over the years but have had coworkers surrounding me and family to go home to.  So….   this coming holiday season will definitely be handled differently!!!

My ‘non husband’ (don’t quite know how to refer to him now that it’s been discovered that our marriage was void due to his bigamy) used to say ‘it’s just another day.’  I completely disagree.  As humans we NEED milestones and celebrations.  Every culture has them, we have developed a system to mark time and progress, given ourselves opportunities for reflection, of giving of ourselves and our resources, we mark passages in our time on earth and find comfort in the familiar traditions while resolving to accomplish more in the next time frame.  I believe that anyone who views these markings of time as ‘just another day’ is not truly understanding their own humanity and is denying themselves of that connection.

And yes, I spent hour upon hour in the last month or so going over my blessings rather than the woes, giving thanks for all that there is, in fact – I got to the point where there were just no more pep talks to give myself so I read, I knit for others, I chatted online with dear friends, I surrounded myself as much as possible in the love that is out there and tried to extend it to others in every way that I could think of.  Did it work?  Mostly!

So… anyway….   I did finish WRTs socks using Susan Glinert Stevens’ great Fleegle pattern.  The pic ‘showcases’ the unique heel construction – it works like a miracle with NO holes and is far more simple to work than most wrap/turn construction heels.  I did have a bit of a dilema on this sock though as I was running out of Knit Pick’s Stroll Sport and didn’t seem to have the extra ball that I thought was around.  After much thinking, I decided to use some fingering weight colorwork while carrying the sport weight through for stability. Yes, I ‘could’ have made an even shorter sock but he already has one black sport weight pair that is quite short and I’m trying to keep each pair easily identifiable in his sock drawer.Sadly, I did not complete Marci’s or Dad’s pair and wasn’t able to get down to Mom and Dad’s to gift the dishcloths that are waiting for them.  (Just barely got the car re-insured so now can drive it short distances again, it is vehicular abuse to drive it at all but hey, gotta get groceries sometime ya know!)

About 9am the next morning he picked me back up and we tried to change the tire but the spare is just as flat.  Great! grrrrr   The closest tire place was Walmart.  Yeah, Walmart on Black Friday!  We headed there and after a 10 minute wait to even speak to the auto people were informed that it would be at least two hours before anyone could get to it.  Uh no thanks.  Fortunately, Sam’s Club is next to that Walmart and there was virtually no wait but the lowest cost new tire with mounting and all that fun stuff was $89.95.  Wow, nothing like a huge chunk of $ when I’m still on unemployment yikes!  Again, being the great guy that he is, he whipped out his Sam’s Club card and paid for it.  Thank heavens!!!!!  and Thank WRT!!!!  I’ll pay him back as soon as possible, just not quite sure when that will be.

The original plan was to go down to Mom and Dad’s but several things made it look like a bad idea and as much as I miss my family… it would have been a disaster to have the tire go flat on the freeway.  So again, I’m thankful that it was on a busy surface street rather than in the dark on the highway.

It was kind of fun spending Black Friday with WRT and the boys.  His oldest had stopped by Petco for fish tank supplies and got a free pair of antlers for Fido

Yes, the dog’s name is truly Fido and no, he would NOT hold still for a photo op.  This was picture #3 and as good as it got   Immediately after the camera clicked he had those babies off and was chewing away.

Now lest you think that I get a flat tire EVERY Thanksgiving Day, I truly don’t.  Sometimes it’s Christmas Eve instead.  But the general feeling is that I should not drive anything without self-inflating tires between Thanksgiving and New Years’ Day.  I’m inclined to agree!

This afternoon I dropped off a laundry basket full of clothes, a new blanket, and 7 hats for donation at one of the local shelters.  It’s part of my friend Jacqueline’s drive and I’ve been truly impressed with the generosity and hard work so many have put into it.  In order to accommodate as  many as possible, she’s delayed the final day until the 29th so we don’t have a final count yet.  However, it looks like there will be over 40 scarves, 40+ hats and quite a bounty of clothing.

Yesterday it was 68F then a storm blew in.  Yes, blew.  Hard.  Complete with high wind advisories.  This morning, I woke up to an inch of snow and snapped a picture.  There’s another two inches since the photo was taken.  It seems that winter is here and not going to let go until spring.

It’s quiet, a bit serene.  I haven’t even turned on the radio (well, don’t have a stereo so listen to a lot of Pandora and a few other stations over the laptop or through the Roku.

I do need to get my geek on though and finish installing software for aforementioned job starting soon.  But for now, I’m just watching the heavy flakes falling; it’s a bit mesmerizing!

There are also several knitting projects sitting next to me on the couch.  If I don’t turn my head to the right perhaps they will stop staring at me, begging for the next row to be finished.

326 job applications

7 interviews, 5 in person and 2 by phone     1 offer that unfortunately, had to turn down as I just can’t live on near minimum wage unless nothing else happens in the next month.  If that happens, I’ll have to figure out how to break the lease (will cost $1400 to do it) and find a new place with no deposit and all that fun stuff.

9 hats, mix of knit and crochet

Finished knitting Road Scarf 2012

Knit a pair of fingerless gloves and have another one on the needles

Started knitting a mohair scarf

Training/refreshing for contract position, hope to have contract sometime next month (work at home position mentioned in previous post, takes a bit longer to get contract and then start invoicing, etc. than originally anticipated)

Re-arranged the front room and digging through the boxes still in bedroom

Given self over 190 ‘pep talks’ 

Still working on sock projects

Read through numerous articles and IRS publications regarding self employment taxes and insurances, set-ups, etc.

Watched 92 (I think?) knitting, quilting, crafting, and color theory videos

Filed a stalking injunction against an old roommate.  Yeah, not fun and a bit on the scary side of life.

There are additional things but that’s the main stuff.  And now you know!

Seriously, I’ve been really concerned about the 2012 election (regardless of the outcome) as the economy directly impacts the corporate travel industry.  And… of course, the self-employed contractor position that am hoping pans out is back in corporate travel.  The thing is, the perception of how the economy is going has as much impact as the actual number.  A CFO decides things aren’t going as well as XYZ Corp. needs them to and the travel budget is one of the first things to slash.  Projections aren’t quite as high as originally anticipated, cut the travel budget.  You get the idea. 

Now that the election is over, we’ll see what the analysts and numbers people react.

So why am I still doing it?  Good question, glad you asked!  Firstly, it’s my field of expertise.  Secondly, it takes a creative thinker to understand that the management skills, the years of deciphering rules and regulations, implementing changes, etc., etc., etc., translate VERY easily into a number of fields.  Not all hiring managers are creative thinkers. I’ve explained as short and sweetly as possible how ‘x’ experience equals competency in ‘y’ in cover letters and interviews so at least it’s out there.  Also hitting a big ‘overqualified’ wall and a more subtle ‘ageism’ bias. 

Since I can’t go up in the mountains to see the color changes this year, I’m posting a pic of one of my favorite places to visit in the fall, The Shenandoah Valley:

huh?  Yes, I heard that!  Let me explain….

One month ago I was laid off.  Again.  Sorry, Mr. President, No I am NOT better off than I was four years ago… but not the point of this post.

The day that I was laid off I did all the appropriate things such as file an unemployment claim, review my resume, go over insurances, pay a little ahead on utilities, etc. As the lay off was the week after pay-day and I received a partial check the following week I figured things would be tight but okay.  Uh not so much.  Unemployment has yet to make a determination on my case – I did turn down a job that I actually wanted (like the company, great reputation, solid ethics, etc.) but the pay was nearly $1,500 per month less than I was making at the last job so just wouldn’t cover expenses no matter how much I cut back.  I thought long and hard about accepting it and working a second job but the hours and ‘floating’ schedule would have made that impossible.

So, I reported to Workforce Services that I had turned a job down along with the weekly filing.  I also emailed them to advise why I had turned it down and that I have another offer starting in a month that will at least cover expenses.  I’ve kept to my schedule of two-three hours searching/researching/applying every morning and another two hours every afternoon following up, making phone calls and networking.

As one is allowed to turn down unsuitable offers, I figured that wasn’t going to be a problem for unemployment.  WRONG!  It will now be yet another three to four weeks before a decision is made so…. after one month of being unemployed, I have received no unemployment at all.  That’s right folks, not one penny.

Thanks to WRTs generosity, I still have my phone – bit hard to continue the job search without it, dontcha know!

So, what’s the point of all this?  Point is, if you have any suspicion, any inkling at all that you might be laid off in the near future start preparing for it.  There is a lot of advice out there but not all of it is that practical.  Here’s my take on things from lots of experience:

Stock your freezer and pantry with as many staples as you can.  Load up on essentials – know it sounds silly, but are you going to have toilet paper left in a month?  How about shampoo and soap?

If you’re renting, let your landlord know the situation and work out whatever you can with rent.  Although in the U.S. if we qualify for unemployment, it usually starts 1-2 weeks after the layoff realize that there is a very good chance that either you won’t have enough for rent or that your case may take a while to be processed.

Make sure that your profiles look professional ‘check-up’ worthy.  What’s on Facebook?  Hide or delete anything that is inappropriate or possibly offensive.

Look over your Linkd-In contacts, who might know where a job is? Extend your network! If nothing else, it gives you a chance to see what’s out there in real terms.  Yeah, I know that thousands of jobs have been added to the economic indicators lately but do they apply to you and your experience?  For example, I am extremely aware that although corporate travel has retained a small growth rate, new openings are saturated with applications from seasoned experts as well as ‘wannabe’ types.

Go over your qualifications – what else does your experience lend itself to?  Make a list of qualities and skills then be prepared to show HOW those translate into a different field. It isn’t always obvious to an employer in a different field that your years spent coordinating clients’ travel schedules, negotiating with vendors, writing and implementing then enforcing company travel policy will easily translate to meet their needs.

Above all else, find one thing every single day that you like.  Sounds simple, huh?  Maybe it is for some, but not always that easy here.  So… even if it’s another blog post, an exceptionally cool picture, a walk in the park or even a bubble bath… go for it!!!!  You lost a job, not a life!!!

So… what do I do for a month?  wow, uhm…  the list is nearly endless:

• Finish up Christmas/Yule/Hanukkah gifts
• Work out every day
• Pinterest and Houzz – keep the creative freedom going
• Find an inspiration point for each day … list keeps going but won’t bore you further with that part

I’ve been doing rather well on all three so far.  The second couch has been donated to the ‘grandkids’ new home so the front room is now re-arranged.  FINALLY!  I’ve got the treadmill out now and have been using it regularly as well as some Pilates and little bit of yoga.  Not going hog wild, the current flare had my feet so swollen that shoes were not on the wearables list for a few days there but things are shaping up quickly.

Although the goal ‘should’ be loose 30 lbs, it’s not.  The goal is do something every day.  I like that.  I can do that.  I AM doing that.

As for the Amsterdam poster from the last posting, I’ve got it a bit more acceptable but the room definitely isn’t finished yet:

Why yes, I am aware that I have a dresser in the front room.  I like it that way.  so there!  No really, the plan is to strip it down and re-finish.  It’s been around as long as I can remember and is good solid wood but definitely shows the age and number of moves that it’s gone through.  I’d eventually like to turn it into a combo plant stand/shelving area plus dresser with a stair-step approach and plywood cut to fit over the top of each drawer.

This morning a dear friend stopped by on his way out of town for six months to say ‘hi and goodbye.’  We haven’t been in touch much lately but always seem to pick right back up.  He’s starting a six month gig as occupational therapist up in Washington and I’m excited for him and his new beginning.  He’s also a masseuse and was kind enough to work on my shoulder/neck area for a bit before he had to hit the road. A regular massage really should be part of my routine as I carry stress in my shoulders and neck leading to some pretty outrageous headaches but sadly, isn’t.  Thanks, Lon!  You sooo rock.

As part of this whole lay-off thing I’ve been searching ways to cut costs while keeping my sanity.  No more Hulu Plus for a while, may just let the car die as the insurance and registration are due soon and if I had any respect for elderly vehicles, I would have let it die with dignity a while ago, there are other odds and ends of saving and scrimping a bit. I find it amusing and annoying that some people think a person can actually live on unemployment and rather stay on it than work.  It’s been close to a month now since any money came in (should have a partial unemployment check this coming week, first one!) and I can hardly wait to get back to earning a steady paycheck again.  And afford insurance, take care of responsibilities, all those good things.

Anyway… one of the cool things that I came across on How Does She… blog is a sock bouquet.  Not exactly the most romantic of gifts but spices it up a bit and as I regularly knit socks and many of you do too, I thought I’d share:

Keep in mind that there is NO chance that I’ll EVER gift that many pairs of hand knit socks at once, however I’m thinking that a pair of hand knit then a few pairs of ‘regular’ socks thrown in to showcase the extreme coolness of the hand knit pair might work rather well.

I scored a few travel posters from the office closure back in May so figured I’d put up the Amsterdam as it semi matches the current decor but it looked terribly lonely and very much as though I didn’t have anything else to put up so I stuck this here.  I need to get frames for some family pictures as several have been broken due to the tremors eminating from upstairs so…  figured I’d salvage the two that were left from that wall.

Now, what to put in them?  I really didn’t have anything that quite worked and absolutely don’t want to risk ruining any more family photos so I spent a while browsing the internet checking out prices on art that I like, getting ideas from Pintrest, various craft sites, etc.  I decided on some illustrations from children’s books, printed them out in black and white, matted and put in the black frames.  It’s not a perfect match but it works well for now.  In fact, I may do a few more when I get more frames.

It’s pretty obvious this frame was patched back together but, it works for now.

I’ve added a couple of things to my ‘international corner’ and the birthday plants are growing quite well now!  I’m excited to watch them putting out new shoots.  The English ivy that was in the pot died, it was so root bound when I brought it home that it really was inevitable but the rest are doing quite well.

I enjoy the memories of the distant corners I once explored and the gifts from others’ travels as well.  The Buddha is the only non travel gift there but is much cherished and fits with the overall theme.

So far as the job search goes…   interview yesterday went well but I’m overqualified for their current openings.  The interviewer did encourage me to apply for an opening that they anticipate coming up in November though.

Knitting news?  uhhh no.  Just haven’t been able to concentrate on it for the last few days.  However, the wool for WRTs sweater arrived – yes, we are risking the boyfriend sweater curse (figure after four years either it’s time to break up or it’s perfectly safe), and I anticipate the wool for my ‘matching’ (more like similarly themed) sweater should be here next week.

Headquarters sent boxes to return the computer, phone, monitor and headset but what on earth do they want me to do with things like sensitive client information, personnel files, etc.  They know that I have all these files, I’ve tried to get them to take it but they’re honestly just not that interested.  A few months ago, I was told that HQ would send me a shredder however that never showed up.  IDK, guess it’s just not a major priority for them.

Anyway……  back to the job search and feeling a bit beaten up yet working to maintain a reasonable outlook.  The layoff came about three weeks after the nearly crippling realization that my life is simply not at all how I had not only dreamed, but really assumed, it would be at my age.  I had always figured I’d be married,have a nice home, family around, lots of friends, decent and stable career… none of that has happened in spite of my continued efforts and intense periods of personal and career growth.

Although completely counterproductive and not a good idea, every now and again the thought that I must be unworthy of such ‘normal’ wants creeps in.  I’m not convinced that it’s a matter of worthiness.  We all know total bitches that are married to men who adore them, have jobs where they are not only tolerated but excel.  Normally, my rational side kicks in and banishes this thought train.  However, every now and again….. 

In the last seven days, I have applied for 49 jobs and have had one interview (overqualified, thanks though – by the way, we anticipate an opening a little more in line with your expertise in November or December) and have two more lined up for next week.  Technically, I’ve applied for 72 jobs but a lot of those are ‘throw aways’ – know that they are not jobs that I’m interested in other than for the sheer fact that they would provide a meager paycheck which is (theoretically) better than none.

I’ve had a niggling feeling (interesting non-word) that I’d be laid off ever since the closure in May so… tried to be proactive.  I took out an unemployment policy to partially cover rent for two months if I became unemployed.  I filed the claim the next day but haven’t been able to get anyone to call me after leaving 4 voicemails.  grrrrrr

With my final check (a few hundred shy of a full paycheck as they don’t do severance of any type), I paid utilities plus a bit, I’ve grocery shopped and stocked up on a few staple type items, I’ve registered in over 30 different job sites as well as networking with friends, colleagues, social sites, etc.  It’s time consuming and somewhat draining but certainly better than just sitting around waiting for the job fairy!

Am I scared?  of course, I could easily be homeless soon even with unemployment.  No, I don’t qualify for any other type of assistance (and yes, I’ve checked).  Am I terrified?  Nope.  Life will go on whether it’s what I’d always wanted or something entirely different.