Now what?! Go to sleep, silly brain!

The ‘contract to hire’ position is a decent job BUT…. there are no open positions at the company.  None.  Haven’t been for ages.  A temp has been hired here and there over the last few months but there are dozens of temps that have been there for up to two years now.  hmmm….  interesting.  Won’t bore you with the details but let’s go with there was a conversation between the 30 or so of us former Caremark employees and the temp company that pitched this as a permanent type thing.  Whatever.  It’s a temp company and it’s a temp job not a perm one.  HOWEVER…. HR messed up my schedule, instead of the 8:30 – 5 (perfect!) that I was told, it’s 9:30 – 6 which absolutely does not work.  Earlier works, later does not.  This is a major problem.  Not good.

Our severance checks arrived yesterday – good!  (taxes totalled 62% – wow! that’s a lot of money in Uncle Sam’s pocket)  I’ve been getting some things taken care of like car insurance, rent, utilities, you know… the stuff that gets you in serious trouble if you go for weeks without money.  Since yesterday was also pay day for last week at the temp job, the first thing I did was cash that check and got a Diet Coke and some chocolate.  It’s true – I went for over a week without a Diet Coke!

not my pic, but pretty much how I feel about it!  yummmmmmmmmmmm

in knitting news….   four stitches slipped off the needle on the Olive Drab Socks 4 Soldiers.  Yes, I had them in my knitting bag…. which I also had another skein of yarn and er well, let’s see, hair mousse, herbal tea packets, cough drops, lip gloss, hand lotion, and my lunch.  Perhaps that was the problem – over crowding without proper precautions.  ARGHHHH   I’ll pick them up and do any repairs later today.  Just can’t quite bring myself to do it right now.

On the observation list for today – we watched a dvd a Monday on the Utah State Correctional Facility at the ‘Point of the Mountain.’   I drive by it every weekday (and often on weekends as well) but never paid a whole lot of attention to it other than it’s just there.

Apparently, Utah’s state prison is one of the most violent in the country.  Interesting.  What really struck me though was the difference between the men and women’s facilities.  It may have been the way MSNBC edited, or who knows, but the point was made that at the women’s facilities the offenders generally work together, support each other, generally try to make life tolerable and perhaps even a bit better for one another.  Not quite the same at the men’s facility.   This could be a rather long observational bit about anthropological/sociological differences, etc.  I’ll just stop here though and comment that I found it particularly interesting.

Part of the program is on Youtube.

The other bit of oddity for the day – a half green, half red apple grown in Devon (UK).  It’s amazing!

It’s true – insomnia is striking again.  Doing the relaxation things, doing the shutting down stuff but…. brain just keeps going and going like a very demented Energizer Bunny zig zagging through the quagmire of situations going on in life.  Silly brain.  You must sleep now!  Oh wait, not just yet – need to take daughter to a friend’s bridal shower this afternoon and get some more bills paid and see what’s on for the weekend, finalize the car insurance stuff, might be good to hop in the shower before all that, oh and my nails reallllly need to be done and  …. yeah…… kinda like that.  Again, silly brain!

If you’re in the mood for a vent, see the “Life” page.  Add your own vent!  Go on, you’ll feel better!!!!!

DUH! and DUH!

Since work is sometimes slow in the evenings, I often knit between calls. (I work in Pharmacy Benefits Management for Medicare Part D providers.) I tried working on the regulation socks for soldiers but picking up, putting down, picking up, putting down constantly throws my gauge off. It’s not that big of a deal for most of my projects but those babies need to be perfectly on gauge. This has really been bothering me. Until the light bulb FINALLY went on. I can do leisure socks to be sent while working and do the regulation socks at home. DOHHHHHH! (Can you hear Homer Simpson?!)

So, I cast one on last night and got most of the ribbing done – Originally, I’d planned to do men’s socks but after asking several age 20-30 male colleagues if the yarn color was masculine, switched to female. It seems the ‘red’ is a bit on the pink side and if those guys wouldn’t wear socks with pink, I’m guessing a soldier wouldn’t be so thrilled wearing them either. One even commented the green was a girl shade of green… never thought about that one. I’d always figured anything darker than light minty baby green was gender neutral. It seems that I was wrong. Good thing to know!

This morning I had a court hearing, the judge was very fair. I’m happy. I also wrote a letter to the judge in a related but different matter requesting she allow socks for soldiers to be included in community service hours. No, I’m NOT a habitual offender. I just made a rather stupid mistake last summer in trying to get away from a verbal attack by 4B. Yes, I’m the one who drove after downing a couple of beers and a shot. At the time, ‘fight or flight’ took over and I chose flight. Fortunately, there wasn’t an accident, no one was injured. I take full responsibility for that idiocy on my part and am trying to take care of all the ramifications from that act.

It did serve one good purpose though, it was then that I resolved that I am not going to allow his alcoholism to invade my life any more. It hasn’t been easy to break some of the patterns, I don’t go take him oxygen anymore, I stopped feeling responsible when he chose to drive after drinking heavily, I’ve quit feeling guilty when he goes on one of his verbal and/or physical rampages, and I’ve disengaged emotionally. If he chooses to call and ask for a ride home, I will do that. I’d far prefer picking him up than having him drive drunk but he rarely calls and only once in a great while gets a ride from someone else.

Last night he chose to go drink at the bar he works for tips – after calling in sick. While there drinking, he asked for the rest of the week off. He was let go. He sees it as inherently unfair and is hurt and upset. I do feel badly for him on one level, he has made that his life and ‘family’ and now has lost that as well as his real family. On the other hand, it takes a special kind of stupid…..again, DUHHHHHH!

And he drove home. He was all ready pretty wasted when I saw him about 7:30pm – had to switch vehicles and needed the keys from him. Why did he drive? Because he was pissed off. Ohhh, okay. That works. NOT.

I’m financially concerned as that was part of his ‘drinking’ money as well as whatever he spent out of ‘our’ money (he perceives everything as his). He’s been spending around $1200 – $1400 per month on drinking and related activities.

Even though we’ve been separated since last summer we’re still sharing the apartment. I’m leaving as soon as humanly possible so am trying to get things in order to make that possible. I’ve made a new life and am happy with it. Just getting the details sorted, so to speak.

D’s decided to stay at his dad’s for a few weeks, although it’s difficult for me, I agree with his decision. He can’t be around 4B without wanting to do damage – he’s 15, it’s an appropriate response for his age. Choosing to remove himself from the situation shows maturity when he would rather stay.