DUH! and DUH!

Since work is sometimes slow in the evenings, I often knit between calls. (I work in Pharmacy Benefits Management for Medicare Part D providers.) I tried working on the regulation socks for soldiers but picking up, putting down, picking up, putting down constantly throws my gauge off. It’s not that big of a deal for most of my projects but those babies need to be perfectly on gauge. This has really been bothering me. Until the light bulb FINALLY went on. I can do leisure socks to be sent while working and do the regulation socks at home. DOHHHHHH! (Can you hear Homer Simpson?!)

So, I cast one on last night and got most of the ribbing done – Originally, I’d planned to do men’s socks but after asking several age 20-30 male colleagues if the yarn color was masculine, switched to female. It seems the ‘red’ is a bit on the pink side and if those guys wouldn’t wear socks with pink, I’m guessing a soldier wouldn’t be so thrilled wearing them either. One even commented the green was a girl shade of green… never thought about that one. I’d always figured anything darker than light minty baby green was gender neutral. It seems that I was wrong. Good thing to know!

This morning I had a court hearing, the judge was very fair. I’m happy. I also wrote a letter to the judge in a related but different matter requesting she allow socks for soldiers to be included in community service hours. No, I’m NOT a habitual offender. I just made a rather stupid mistake last summer in trying to get away from a verbal attack by 4B. Yes, I’m the one who drove after downing a couple of beers and a shot. At the time, ‘fight or flight’ took over and I chose flight. Fortunately, there wasn’t an accident, no one was injured. I take full responsibility for that idiocy on my part and am trying to take care of all the ramifications from that act.

It did serve one good purpose though, it was then that I resolved that I am not going to allow his alcoholism to invade my life any more. It hasn’t been easy to break some of the patterns, I don’t go take him oxygen anymore, I stopped feeling responsible when he chose to drive after drinking heavily, I’ve quit feeling guilty when he goes on one of his verbal and/or physical rampages, and I’ve disengaged emotionally. If he chooses to call and ask for a ride home, I will do that. I’d far prefer picking him up than having him drive drunk but he rarely calls and only once in a great while gets a ride from someone else.

Last night he chose to go drink at the bar he works for tips – after calling in sick. While there drinking, he asked for the rest of the week off. He was let go. He sees it as inherently unfair and is hurt and upset. I do feel badly for him on one level, he has made that his life and ‘family’ and now has lost that as well as his real family. On the other hand, it takes a special kind of stupid…..again, DUHHHHHH!

And he drove home. He was all ready pretty wasted when I saw him about 7:30pm – had to switch vehicles and needed the keys from him. Why did he drive? Because he was pissed off. Ohhh, okay. That works. NOT.

I’m financially concerned as that was part of his ‘drinking’ money as well as whatever he spent out of ‘our’ money (he perceives everything as his). He’s been spending around $1200 – $1400 per month on drinking and related activities.

Even though we’ve been separated since last summer we’re still sharing the apartment. I’m leaving as soon as humanly possible so am trying to get things in order to make that possible. I’ve made a new life and am happy with it. Just getting the details sorted, so to speak.

D’s decided to stay at his dad’s for a few weeks, although it’s difficult for me, I agree with his decision. He can’t be around 4B without wanting to do damage – he’s 15, it’s an appropriate response for his age. Choosing to remove himself from the situation shows maturity when he would rather stay.